Thursday, March 17, 2011

~From my heart!~

Well, here it is 5:45 AM and my babies are both asleep, I'm not answering Math or English questions yet, =) and I woke up with my heart full, so I'm writing. I know that this probably won't be my most popular post, but I've had this on my heart for a while. You might want to pour yourself a cup of coffee or hot tea, and sit down, for this is a long post. =)
I'm not a book reader. I'd rather be doing things with my hands. (Like listening to a book BEING READ on CD while I bake, scrapbook, iron, etc. =) But, I do enjoy reading books on Marriage, being a better wife, etc. A couple years ago I read a book named "Love and Respect" by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. (The love she most desires, the respect he desperately needs.) It's a book based on Eph. 5:33. It is a long book, so being a busy wife and Mommy it took me a while to get through it, but what I learned was priceless. I would highly recommend the book!
It revealed how men really feel inside. They want to be looked up to, respected, revered, etc. especially by the women whom they CHOSE to marry! =) (It makes me smile when I think that MY PHILLIP CHOSE ME OVER ANY OTHER LADY IN THE WORLD!!=) Remember how we felt about our husbands when they were still our boyfriends? Wow!!!! He could do no wrong, we loved certain things about his personality, and we loved being around him. Maybe we should take out a piece of paper today and write down the reasons why we fell in love with our husbands, to remind ourselves of the wonderful man we are married to. I think the daily grind...oops...I mean LIFE has a way of taking away some of the joy bells in our marriage. =) The longer I'm married I am learning more of what I believe God told Eve in Genesis 3:16c ..."And thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee."
I believe that that means that we as wives would always be tempted to take over, even without realizing what we are doing. Let's be honest. All day long we are to be "THE MOM" at home. "Please brush your teeth, make up your bed, get dressed, start your schoolwork, clean up your plate, please take your dishes to the sink, wipe your mouth," etc. So when our husband comes home...without thinking it is easy to just keep being "Mom" to him. ("Put your shoes away, wipe your feet, pay that bill," etc.)
Perhaps we have been influenced by the world. Have you noticed how they are always slamming men? The commercials put down men. The advertisements leave you thinking that they are just dumb overgrown boys. We all know that Men think differently than women...but would we want them to be the same as us? No! God's plan was to make each of us differently, to complement each other.
A few years ago while on deputation I got to where I could hardly ride in the car with Phillip without "driving for him". He's a busy man, and when he has something on his mind, he stays in that "box" and all other boxes stay closed for the moment. Smile! He must have had a lot on his mind, for his driving was scaring me. =) At first I felt it was my duty to mention something to him every time...but then I realized that I was sounding like a nagging wife. So, I STARTED silently asking JESUS to help him. It was amazing seeing how God worked when I kept silent. (Phillip WANTS me to tell him if I see something that he is doing that is dangerous, but I didn't need to "DRIVE" while he steered and worked the pedals. =) I think this must be common among women, for I have noticed that A LOT of wives drive. Smile!
Our husbands desire us to be their biggest FAN! Cheer them on, BELIEVE in them, TRUST them! Whatever job your husband has, help him become the BEST ____________ he can be. If your husband's job is collecting trash for the city...make him feel like the best trash collector there ever was. If he's a preacher, compliment him. (If you can't say anything good about a certain sermon, than it's better not to say anything. Chances are, he already KNOWS he didn't do a good job with that one. =)
If he works in computers, let him know that he's the best one in the business. =)
My Mother-in-law is a great example of this. Dad D. is one of the smartest men I know when it comes to fixing and rebuilding things. (He re-wired his parents' house and took a car engine apart and put it back together when he was around 10 years old!! He's amazing!) Mom D. has had to wash many a load of GREASY clothes, but I've never one time heard her say that she wished Dad were a business man wearing suits all the time. Let's STAND BY OUR MAN, in WHATEVER God has called them to do/be...and watch his shoulders straighten, and see the smile on his face...because his lady admires him. NOT for what she WISHES he could be/were, but FOR WHAT HE IS!
I have been around ladies that are ALWAYS putting their husbands down or making fun of him if front of others. Every time we left that gathering of friends, both Phillip and I would say how SAD AND SORRY we felt for those men. How would I feel if every time we were with family and friends Phillip were to tell them the things that I had done to bug him that week? (That would be humiliating and embarrassing.) I think that a lot of wives say things like "He always leaves his coat on the couch...or his dirty clothes on the floor," etc. not having a clue HOW that makes their men feel. Let's strive to treat our men how WE want to be treated. =)

BELIEVE ME I'm not preaching! I haven't arrived...I'm still learning myself!

My personality is a "let's get-r-done" one. (With 5 children, I need that kind of personality. =) My husband is a more laid-back personality that needs time to think it through, etc. Without realizing it, I can "take over" while he is still in the "thinking" stage. But, when I stop and let him think it through, then act, everything goes more smoothly and happier at our home.
The other day Phillip and I were talking to our girls about this subject and Phillip said, "If a man doesn't feel like he is trusted to lead in his home or is nagged, he will just CLOSE UP and let the woman lead. It's just easier than living in conflict!" SCARY! In this day and age, this "being submissive" subject isn't the most popular one around. But, I've learned that of the 2 jobs...my being submissive to my husband...(i.e., doing what he desires)...and him being submissive to GOD...His is the HARDEST! Our husbands are like the "pastor" or "shepherd" of our home. Can you imagine how much RESPONSIBILITY it is to have to GIVE AN ACCOUNT to God one day of how you led your home? In being submissive I'm not meaning that the wife is a doormat, cannot help make decisions, etc. I believe it just means that in the end, the husband has the scary task of making the FINAL decisions...for which he will be held responsible before God. EEK! Sounds like we need to be PRAYING more for our husbands as God helps them lead our homes. =)
Love is a DECISION! I may not feel like getting up tomorrow morning, cooking breakfast, washing clothes, bathing babies, etc. but I WILL based on principle.
I may not always feel married, or feel that "I-want-to-hug-you" feeling, but I've PROMISED BEFORE GOD to love, obey and CHERISH my husband in good times or bad, for better or for worse...and that's what I'm planning on doing, with God's help! =) I think that we get sooooo busy being Mommy's (and that's good) that we forget that GOD MADE US A WIFE FIRST!
Let's be our husbands' girlfriend. Let's sneak and write him notes, call him just to say, "I love you", take time for a date with him, let's pray for him, let's cook his favorite foods, and let's cheer him on! So...in saying that, my sweetheart comes home today from Medellin, and I want to go and make him his favorite dessert...my apple pie! =)
~My pie was worth my efforts; he loved it. =D~

16 comments:

lila said...

Good preachin sista!! Too bad we don't read books like that before we are married or right after we are married. I sure could have used it 37 years ago. I sure have made a lot of mistakes and I'm still striving to be a better wife. I have a dear honey I wouldn't trade for no man. Thanks for the post. love you tons

Mindy said...

Loved this!! Very well written. This is something I have been working on too. Even after almost 20 years of marriage, I'm still working on it. ;)

sarahmfry said...

I love this book, too, Heather. I was just thinking about this subject in my quiet time this morning. When we lift him up, it doesn't make us a doormat. It lifts us up, too!

I have unbelievable confidence in my husband, and respect and adore him even more now than I did 10 years ago, but sometimes it is hard when I have a strong opinion about something to know when enough talking is enough. I especially feel for those women whose men are more slow to hear the voice of the Spirit. Their job is difficult....But my mama taught me..."God can change him a lot faster than we can!"

I know it is possible to question everything a man does to the point that he shuts down. It has been such a nice feeling to just say, "who cares?" He made the decision. Shut up and go with it! It is a relief.

Thanks for sharing your heart. We're in a high-tide time in our marriage right now, but life brings low tides, too. I think maybe that remembering these things during the harder days helps bring the high tide in sooner. Lord, keep teaching us!

Leah said...

Heather - you did a great job "baring your heart"! I wish I would have known some of this a long time ago! But - what I have learned has made things so much better and has helped me to HOPEFULLY teach a few things to my girls!

Stephanie said...

Great insight. I have often thought about picking up the book. Now I definitely will...right after I read, "What's It Like To Be Married To Me?" by Linda Dillow. There are so many great resources out there right now! It's difficult to have to narrow down to the few that I actually have time to read and process.
We are approaching our 14th anniversary this August. I feel like, especially during the last two or three years, God has brought our relationship into a different place. He has helped us to develop a greater level of respect and genuine, selfless love than we have ever experienced.
I have found it refreshing to 'let go' of some things and be my husbands cheerleader, to build his confidence, and to let him lead. I wish every woman could experience the amazing things that happen in a marriage that is characterized by 'love and respect'!

Angie Davis said...

I had to laugh when you mentioned your husband's driving! I have a man with the same prob--er, BLESSING, and I've been asking God to help me be more gracious about it. (I think shouting "Watch out!" and singing "Lord, I'm Coming Home" under my breath may have been a bit counterproductive...) ;o)

Daryl Hausman said...

Sweet Heather, I howled laughing when I read your friend Angie's post! You did a great job! Amen, Sister! Glad your man's home safe. Daryl should be home soon, and am I EVER glad that I pulled 2 apple pies out of the oven BEFORE I read your post! :) Lovin' my man for over 20 years now! I'm just amazed that he STILL LOVES ME! Love ya,
Laura

Anonymous said...

Liz Flowers said:

Great thoughts and challenges Heather! Thanks for sharing your heart on this one! Praying for u all their in Colombia! I met your sister, Laura during Seabreeze Camp and enjoyed chatting with her. Also met your good friends the Pilmores and enjoyed getting to know them as well :o) Keep shining for Jesus!

Anonymous said...

I was up early this morning and because of a "cookie" on my blogger (so it said) I could not get on to post my comment and I lost it. I kept trying all day and then "somehow" I fixed it. Now, friends, please don't bombard me with questions on how to fix your computer for I do not know what I did. I only know that I am struggling with the 8 ladies that got to my little girl first! ;-(

Not really, I loved your comments and now for mine:


Good Morning Little Girl, my, but you were up early, and I awakened about the same time this morning! Thank you for taking time for your post, if it only helps "you" and "me" to remember to do what is needed to make our "man" what they so want and need to be, then your effort was worth it. What rewards come, both to us and our "man" when we follow God's plan to be the helpmeet we are to be.

Really, I think that your man has been away t-o-o long for they say that, "absence makes the heart grow fonder." I wish that I had access right now to that cute little "smiley face" icon that has a sheepish grin and her long long eyelashes prominent as her eyes opens and closes. But I think that you know what I mean! Keep up the good work and make that "missionary man" feel as special as "he" is. I love you, Moma

PS Oh yes, I so wanted to get out and work in the landscaping this morning but decided that too much needed to be done inside so got busy. And, knowing I needed to bake a desert I decided on a pie (after reading your "article") When Daddy came over and saw me at work with the rolling pin he said, oh a pie, you must have read Heather's post." I said, "yes, I did and I am baking you a rhubarb pie." He was not impressed for this is NOT his favorite but "MINE." WHAT DID YOU SAY THE NAME OF THAT BOOK WAS? :-)
Your post was very good, and with my burden for Christian Womanhood for our holiness ladies I was delighted that you were prompted to share a "book report" on the subject. So keep on serving by example the ladies in Bogota and to the many of us who are listening from here at home!!!!!

Anonymous said...

EXCELLENT!!!!

Jeff and I have learned from this book series also. I have learned an important thing about submission. Someome said replace the word with support. Now, that makes sense. As I support my dear husband however he leads our family, I am also submitting to him and his leadership. That concept helps me.
Another thing I'm learning about respecting my husband is to NOT say anything to him that "if" another man said to him would bring a "fight". Men just don't say certain things to each other because of the level of respect betweent the two. I should respect him enough NOT to say those things too!!! Lord, help me more! :)
You touched a special spot in my heart... edifying marriages!!!! Blessings upon you, Philip and your marriage!
Love, Susan Hunt

Beth Albertson said...

good post. we've had many good discussions about this in our family, too, but we must DO and not just TALK about doing. thanks.

kira said...

Truly a heartfilled post Heather .

Thank you for sharing , it is something every wife , daughter and single girl should read .

Have a blessed day in the Lord .

Kelly Jones said...

Indian Fry Bread

Mix together in a large bowl:
1 cup of oil
1 TB salt
3 1/2 TB yeast
3/4 cup of sugar

Add 6 cups of warm water and stir until yeast is dissolved. Stir in ____ cups (this was always up to the maker's discretion) of all purpose flour until dough is no linger sticky, working it in with your hands near the end. Cover and let rise for 1 hour. Roll into desired shapes and fry in hot oil. Drain and serve
It is VERY important that your oil be hot. To test drop a small piece of dough in. If te dough floats to the op quickly and begins to brown your oil is hot and ready to go.

I hope you and your company enjoy.
Love you all :)

Eric and Hannah Avery said...

Great post! I read that book about a year or so ago. I have been married less than two years, and I am still learning these things. You are an inspiration of godliness and respect in the way you talk about your husband in your blog, and the sweet things you do for him. Thanks for being a Godly role model.

-Hannah

Kelly Jones said...

Heather,
Last weekend I only took time to quickly leave you the recipe you asked for and I missed reading your blog. I am SO glad I came back and read this entry. I really appreciate you sharing what was on your heart... Even though my relationship is still "new" I would rather maintain it than fix it when a problem happens...
After being around some wives, I have been feeling a burden to be a better wife and your post really helped me. You are an AMAZING woman, wife, and mommy. I love you and miss you :)

Roseanne said...

I read your post a few days ago, but am just now coming back on here to write you a comment. I loved what you had to say, and I know that you live what you "preach". It's amazing how the subject of submission is so mis-understood today and how defensive women get when you bring up the subject. Granted, it is not always the easiest thing, and I especially feel for those women who are married to men who are not living like they should. But I believe the effort always pays off. And the that it brings in the relationship worth it. Thank you so much for your example in this area. David and I always credit you and Philip for modeling a good relationship and marriage for us when we at such an important stage in our own marriage. David has said many times how big of a responsibility it is for us now to be modeling that to other younger couples. Thanks for sharing.
Roseanne

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