I'm not a book reader. I'd rather be doing things with my hands. (Like listening to a book BEING READ on CD while I bake, scrapbook, iron, etc. =) But, I do enjoy reading books on Marriage, being a better wife, etc. A couple years ago I read a book named "Love and Respect" by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. (The love she most desires, the respect he desperately needs.) It's a book based on Eph. 5:33. It is a long book, so being a busy wife and Mommy it took me a while to get through it, but what I learned was priceless. I would highly recommend the book!
It revealed how men really feel inside. They want to be looked up to, respected, revered, etc. especially by the women whom they CHOSE to marry! =) (It makes me smile when I think that MY PHILLIP CHOSE ME OVER ANY OTHER LADY IN THE WORLD!!=) Remember how we felt about our husbands when they were still our boyfriends? Wow!!!! He could do no wrong, we loved certain things about his personality, and we loved being around him. Maybe we should take out a piece of paper today and write down the reasons why we fell in love with our husbands, to remind ourselves of the wonderful man we are married to. I think the daily grind...oops...I mean LIFE has a way of taking away some of the joy bells in our marriage. =) The longer I'm married I am learning more of what I believe God told Eve in Genesis 3:16c ..."And thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee."
I believe that that means that we as wives would always be tempted to take over, even without realizing what we are doing. Let's be honest. All day long we are to be "THE MOM" at home. "Please brush your teeth, make up your bed, get dressed, start your schoolwork, clean up your plate, please take your dishes to the sink, wipe your mouth," etc. So when our husband comes home...without thinking it is easy to just keep being "Mom" to him. ("Put your shoes away, wipe your feet, pay that bill," etc.)
Perhaps we have been influenced by the world. Have you noticed how they are always slamming men? The commercials put down men. The advertisements leave you thinking that they are just dumb overgrown boys. We all know that Men think differently than women...but would we want them to be the same as us? No! God's plan was to make each of us differently, to complement each other.
A few years ago while on deputation I got to where I could hardly ride in the car with Phillip without "driving for him". He's a busy man, and when he has something on his mind, he stays in that "box" and all other boxes stay closed for the moment. Smile! He must have had a lot on his mind, for his driving was scaring me. =) At first I felt it was my duty to mention something to him every time...but then I realized that I was sounding like a nagging wife. So, I STARTED silently asking JESUS to help him. It was amazing seeing how God worked when I kept silent. (Phillip WANTS me to tell him if I see something that he is doing that is dangerous, but I didn't need to "DRIVE" while he steered and worked the pedals. =) I think this must be common among women, for I have noticed that A LOT of wives drive. Smile!
Our husbands desire us to be their biggest FAN! Cheer them on, BELIEVE in them, TRUST them! Whatever job your husband has, help him become the BEST ____________ he can be. If your husband's job is collecting trash for the city...make him feel like the best trash collector there ever was. If he's a preacher, compliment him. (If you can't say anything good about a certain sermon, than it's better not to say anything. Chances are, he already KNOWS he didn't do a good job with that one. =)
If he works in computers, let him know that he's the best one in the business. =)
My Mother-in-law is a great example of this. Dad D. is one of the smartest men I know when it comes to fixing and rebuilding things. (He re-wired his parents' house and took a car engine apart and put it back together when he was around 10 years old!! He's amazing!) Mom D. has had to wash many a load of GREASY clothes, but I've never one time heard her say that she wished Dad were a business man wearing suits all the time. Let's STAND BY OUR MAN, in WHATEVER God has called them to do/be...and watch his shoulders straighten, and see the smile on his face...because his lady admires him. NOT for what she WISHES he could be/were, but FOR WHAT HE IS!
I have been around ladies that are ALWAYS putting their husbands down or making fun of him if front of others. Every time we left that gathering of friends, both Phillip and I would say how SAD AND SORRY we felt for those men. How would I feel if every time we were with family and friends Phillip were to tell them the things that I had done to bug him that week? (That would be humiliating and embarrassing.) I think that a lot of wives say things like "He always leaves his coat on the couch...or his dirty clothes on the floor," etc. not having a clue HOW that makes their men feel. Let's strive to treat our men how WE want to be treated. =)
BELIEVE ME I'm not preaching! I haven't arrived...I'm still learning myself!
My personality is a "let's get-r-done" one. (With 5 children, I need that kind of personality. =) My husband is a more laid-back personality that needs time to think it through, etc. Without realizing it, I can "take over" while he is still in the "thinking" stage. But, when I stop and let him think it through, then act, everything goes more smoothly and happier at our home.
The other day Phillip and I were talking to our girls about this subject and Phillip said, "If a man doesn't feel like he is trusted to lead in his home or is nagged, he will just CLOSE UP and let the woman lead. It's just easier than living in conflict!" SCARY! In this day and age, this "being submissive" subject isn't the most popular one around. But, I've learned that of the 2 jobs...my being submissive to my husband...(i.e., doing what he desires)...and him being submissive to GOD...His is the HARDEST! Our husbands are like the "pastor" or "shepherd" of our home. Can you imagine how much RESPONSIBILITY it is to have to GIVE AN ACCOUNT to God one day of how you led your home? In being submissive I'm not meaning that the wife is a doormat, cannot help make decisions, etc. I believe it just means that in the end, the husband has the scary task of making the FINAL decisions...for which he will be held responsible before God. EEK! Sounds like we need to be PRAYING more for our husbands as God helps them lead our homes. =)
Love is a DECISION! I may not feel like getting up tomorrow morning, cooking breakfast, washing clothes, bathing babies, etc. but I WILL based on principle.
I may not always feel married, or feel that "I-want-to-hug-you" feeling, but I've PROMISED BEFORE GOD to love, obey and CHERISH my husband in good times or bad, for better or for worse...and that's what I'm planning on doing, with God's help! =) I think that we get sooooo busy being Mommy's (and that's good) that we forget that GOD MADE US A WIFE FIRST!
Let's be our husbands' girlfriend. Let's sneak and write him notes, call him just to say, "I love you", take time for a date with him, let's pray for him, let's cook his favorite foods, and let's cheer him on! So...in saying that, my sweetheart comes home today from Medellin, and I want to go and make him his favorite dessert...my apple pie! =)
~My pie was worth my efforts; he loved it. =D~