Thursday, November 3, 2016


I don't know that I had plans to open up my heart and tell everything, but in thinking about it, I think I will.

WARNING:  This post is VERY Personal and is mostly for my healing, and to be printed off later in my blog book as part of our family's history!

After our miscarriage in May with Baby Mercy, I had no plans of ever being pregnant again.
I LOVE my babies, but not having the emotional HORRIBLENESS of miscarriage!!!  I was afraid that if I got pregnant again, I would lose another baby, which I NEVER WANTED TO REPEAT!!!!

Last Friday I walked into my sis-in-love's kitchen, and Beth smiled and said, "I had a dream about you the other night, I dreamed you were going to have a baby!  I was going to text you, but I didn't want to hurt you."

I responded with, "Well, I'm late, do you want to run to the store with me to get a pregnancy test? " She squealed, and we hugged, and later that evening off we ran to the store.  We bought 2 just to make sure.

I did the test at her house, and much to our SURPRISE...It was positive!!!

Did I DARE to hope that I was pregnant?
Did I DARE to get excited about THIS BABY?

My due date was June 28th!!!!

I was 5 weeks along!

We took another test the next morning...with the SAME POSITIVE H-A-P-P-Y RESULTS!!!

We told Kimberly and Sarah, but decided we would do our best to try to hide it and not tell too many people for awhile.  I was already showing, so I couldn't hide it for long!!!!

Our Baby Mercy whom we lost in May was due 3 days before Christmas.  I had dreamed of sitting beside my Lighted Christmas tree, listening to my FAVORITE Music...Christmas music... holding my new born baby!!!!  But, Jesus took that baby on to Heaven!

So, now Could it be that Jesus was going to at least let me be EXPECTING over Christmas to heal my heart?

We went to church on Sunday and secretly told our Pastor and wife that we were expecting,  but SCARED that we might lose this baby too.  We asked them to PLEASE PRAY that if it were God's will, we could keep this one this time!!!!

On the way home from church Kimberly, Sarah, Phillip and I had fun sneaking and talking and dreaming about baby quietly in the front of our Suburban, so that the other kids wouldn't know yet!
It was NOT fair to their emotions to get them excited about another baby, and CRUSH them if we lost baby!!

We got home from church and that's when I started spotting!!!  :-(

I WEPT all afternoon!!!

WHY did I have to take 2 pregnancy tests?
WHY did they have to be POSITIVE????
Why would God allow me to get pregnant again, only to take it?

We do not have a Baby...I will not be pregnant over Christmas, 
I'm bleeding in both body and SOUL.

I have NO ANSWERS...just am trying to Trust in the midst of my DARK DAYS!

~My Sweet Kimberly has been carrying the load of the kitchen and cooking.  A yummy stew she made from some of the veggies from our garden.~

--A Mother who has miscarried several times said,
"It {Miscarriage} literally makes you sick, scared, hurt, angry, resigned, sobbing, trying to surrender, clinging to Jesus, but screaming WHY???? all at the same time"

~My sweet friend Kelly Stamper dropped by with these beautiful flowers and a nice note.~

 A Grandmother who has lost several Grandbabies said,
~"It doesn't matter how many children you have or don't have....
A Miscarriage is Always devastating!!!!~
 ~My Sweetheart brought me some Beautiful Fall potted plants....
 ~Perfect for our front porch.~

 ~"The only people that think there is a time limit for grief ...
have never lost a piece of their heart."~

 ~My Sweet friend Stephanie sent in our supper for today....yummy Tortilla Soup, cheese, chips, sour cream, Sweet Tea, Brownies, and string cheese and M&M's for the kids!~
 ~My Girl's sweet piano teacher (which was my piano teacher in college) Martha Miller....sent me this beautiful saying...which I framed.~

~"Contrite Spirit" being "Crushed Spirit!"

Thank you for taking the time to read this, for your Love and for your PRAYERS!
I desperately Need them at this time.


The Fuller's said...

I am so sorry! Losing a little one is so hard no matter when it happens. �� Will be praying for emotional and physical healing for you through this time.

Kimberly Funkhouser said...

I am sorry for your loss. It is hard not to ask why. Somtimes the answer is too heavy for us to hold and He holds it for you. Trust Him. Love and Prayers, Kim

Anonymous said...

I love you and believe totally in your heart to serve matter what. Prayers. (Kimberly N.)

KATHY ZINK said...

So sorry you have this heartache again! My prayers are with you.

Keith and Crystal said...

I'm praying for you! I'm so sorry! :'( ((((HUGS)))))

Nicki said...

I'm so very sorry.

Brittany said...

I'm so sorry, Heather! I know that's one of the hardest things I've ever gone through. I will be praying for you!

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry. When I lost my daughter at 30 weeks, I asked the Lord in my dark, dark times why He had to be a Spirit...why He couldn't come and be with me physically on this earth to give me comfort. And I felt like He told me soon after that He did comfort me physically here in my grief. Every hug, every card, every meal, every word...was from the Body of Christ. I will pray for you in these hard days. ~Lisa

lila said...

Dearest Heather, I feel so bad for you but I do know God knows best! We will understand it better by and by!I love you and am praying for the comforting arms of Jesus to wrap tightly around you!! Big hugs!!

Bren said...

Heather, I have not known the pain you are experiencing, but have have known the pain of wanting to hold my own child in church on Mother's Day. I've experienced the heart wrenching weeping for the child I wanted so desperately! I have wept like I was missing someone that I did not know yet. God has since given us two precious children and I believe they are both miracles. I think you are an incrediblely strong and beautiful person and I pray that you will see Jesus through the tears and feel Him weeping with you. Jn. 11:35
PS. I mostly know you from reading your blog:)

Anonymous said...

Dearest Heather,
Thank you for opening your heart...I know this took a lot of courage...I don't get on Facebook much...but then I saw your link to the blog and said "Oh no! Not another one!" I had two miscarriages this last winter and was so sad that you my DEAR friend have to go through this again! I'm so sorry!!!! Love you lots and will be praying for you in these days! Love and Prayers, Hannah Klunder

Hannah Avery said...

Hurting for you and praying for you and your family!

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