~OUR SECOND LOSS!!!~

I don't know that I had plans to open up my heart and tell everything, but in thinking about it, I think I will.

WARNING:  This post is VERY Personal and is mostly for my healing, and to be printed off later in my blog book as part of our family's history!

After our miscarriage in May with Baby Mercy, I had no plans of ever being pregnant again.
I LOVE my babies, but not having the emotional HORRIBLENESS of miscarriage!!!  I was afraid that if I got pregnant again, I would lose another baby, which I NEVER WANTED TO REPEAT!!!!

Last Friday I walked into my sis-in-love's kitchen, and Beth smiled and said, "I had a dream about you the other night, I dreamed you were going to have a baby!  I was going to text you, but I didn't want to hurt you."

I responded with, "Well, I'm late, do you want to run to the store with me to get a pregnancy test? " She squealed, and we hugged, and later that evening off we ran to the store.  We bought 2 just to make sure.

I did the test at her house, and much to our SURPRISE...It was positive!!!

Did I DARE to hope that I was pregnant?
Did I DARE to get excited about THIS BABY?

My due date was June 28th!!!!

I was 5 weeks along!

We took another test the next morning...with the SAME POSITIVE H-A-P-P-Y RESULTS!!!

We told Kimberly and Sarah, but decided we would do our best to try to hide it and not tell too many people for awhile.  I was already showing, so I couldn't hide it for long!!!!

Our Baby Mercy whom we lost in May was due 3 days before Christmas.  I had dreamed of sitting beside my Lighted Christmas tree, listening to my FAVORITE Music...Christmas music... holding my new born baby!!!!  But, Jesus took that baby on to Heaven!

So, now Could it be that Jesus was going to at least let me be EXPECTING over Christmas to heal my heart?

We went to church on Sunday and secretly told our Pastor and wife that we were expecting,  but SCARED that we might lose this baby too.  We asked them to PLEASE PRAY that if it were God's will, we could keep this one this time!!!!

On the way home from church Kimberly, Sarah, Phillip and I had fun sneaking and talking and dreaming about baby quietly in the front of our Suburban, so that the other kids wouldn't know yet!
It was NOT fair to their emotions to get them excited about another baby, and CRUSH them if we lost baby!!

We got home from church and that's when I started spotting!!!  :-(

I WEPT all afternoon!!!

WHY did I have to take 2 pregnancy tests?
WHY did they have to be POSITIVE????
Why would God allow me to get pregnant again, only to take it?

We do not have a Baby...I will not be pregnant over Christmas, 
I'm bleeding in both body and SOUL.

I have NO ANSWERS...just am trying to Trust in the midst of my DARK DAYS!

~My Sweet Kimberly has been carrying the load of the kitchen and cooking.  A yummy stew she made from some of the veggies from our garden.~

--A Mother who has miscarried several times said,

"It {Miscarriage} literally makes you sick, scared, hurt, angry, resigned, sobbing, trying to surrender, clinging to Jesus, but screaming WHY???? all at the same time"

~My sweet friend Kelly Stamper dropped by with these beautiful flowers and a nice note.~

 A Grandmother who has lost several Grandbabies said,

~"It doesn't matter how many children you have or don't have....

A Miscarriage is Always devastating!!!!~

 

 ~My Sweetheart brought me some Beautiful Fall potted plants....

 ~Perfect for our front porch.~

 ~"The only people that think there is a time limit for grief ...

have never lost a piece of their heart."~

 ~My Sweet friend Stephanie sent in our supper for today....yummy Tortilla Soup, cheese, chips, sour cream, Sweet Tea, Brownies, and string cheese and M&M's for the kids!~

 ~My Girl's sweet piano teacher (which was my piano teacher in college) Martha Miller....sent me this beautiful saying...which I framed.~

~"Contrite Spirit" being "Crushed Spirit!"

Thank you for taking the time to read this, for your Love and for your PRAYERS!
I desperately Need them at this time.
~HEATHER~